i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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