Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
