hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
