She's JV to your varsity
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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