I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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