Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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