I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
