are you so shy because you have an std?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
