The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
