he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
is it fun? or sober?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
