I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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