my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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