don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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