she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Your cock deserves a montage
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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