If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
