i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
