K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
just tell him i said nine months
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
