these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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