I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
