plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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