i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize