someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
