Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Found the puke drawer
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
