Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
