I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
