her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
