I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
