The maid of honor just puked.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
