Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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