k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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