If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
