I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
