I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
