AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
