She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
