life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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