i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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