My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
