Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
