Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
