Your face is a jimmy john
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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