By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
