I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
