hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
