When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
