Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
