Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
