I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
