just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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