I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
