I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
