Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
