Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
