I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I want her autograph on my taint
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
