We should be called the Road Head Warriors
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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