Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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