Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
it was like having sex with a tree stump
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
