you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
