And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
