...so i touched it.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize