My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
