I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You ate ashes out of my bong
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
