I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
