then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
