You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
