Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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