put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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